I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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