This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
