Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
