He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
