there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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