Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
