WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
