if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
