my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am spending my child support on dildos
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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