I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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