the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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