So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize