We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
