I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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