I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
