Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
