I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize