I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
