I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
