She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
