my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
