Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
