hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Quick, to the slutcave!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
