Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize