i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
