if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
