I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
