Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
