that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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