Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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