I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
