I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
