He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
