Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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