It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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