Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
last night I used snow as a chaser
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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