I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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