What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
