Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she looked like the before picture.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
