I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
