I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
