It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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