You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize