Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we're making bets on your personal life
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
