my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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