if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
