she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize