Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
