he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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