I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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