He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize