You're completely useless in the revolution.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
