their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
