I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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