True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
