My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
