On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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