the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
