Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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