Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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