Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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