xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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