Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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