I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
