the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
