no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
