You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
