New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
