i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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