community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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