They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize