I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
