O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
