it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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